What were the dreams!

So we had a very painful freedom struggle, we wanted to be a country, rather than a British Colony; we wanted to live on our own terms, and so we fought, fought really hard. And it was 1947 when it happened!  Our Leaders then had dreams, great dreams, and beautiful dreams for the baby born. They wanted the baby to make them proud, very proud, but thankfully they are not here to witness the monstrous avatar of their little one, or they would be devastated. Yes.

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high.

Here we fear every other thing, women fear men, poor fear rich, the head bows down: Ashamed.

Where knowledge is free.

Here everything is priced, priced bad! And knowledge? You pay for it, pay a lot.

 

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments. By narrow domestic walls.

Here we don’t remember what unity is. It has been long, the word seems alien.

 

Where words come out from the depth of truth.

Here, words mean nothing. We say a lot, do so little. and truth? We are no longer true to even ourselves.

 

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection.

Here, who cares about perfection, as long as money keeps pouring in. Individual gain is what matters.

 

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit.

Here the stream has long been polluted. We have forgotten what it is like to think, not only for ourselves but also for others.

 

Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever widening thought and action.

Here, the mind is pulling us back. Instead of moving forward towards light, we are heading towards the very dark.

 

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

No, we are no more awake. Far away from it actually. We are in such deep sleep that it is difficult to say if we will ever wake up.

 

Clearly we have been an unsuccessful lot. We have not lived up to the expectations of those great humans. In the process we have disappointed ourselves more. What we thought could be a country of goodwill, has lost its way midway. What we really need to do is to remember those dreams and try to make them real. It has been more than fifty years; we could be a lot closer to a Glorious India! Let us remember Tagore’s words and try to hold our heads high, take pride in our country, and not be ashamed.  

Let’s hope it happens. The beauty returns. Soon.

They will also move away.

I did not realize it then. When I was pushed out of bed by mom every single morning to be able to get ready for school in time. Or when I was forced to study for unit tests because of the fear of letting my parents down. I did not even realize it then when I was cheered up by my sister on my small failures.  Or when mom asked why was I low a hundred times.

Care!  It is one weird emotion, I feel.  A less appreciated one as well. Actually almost all emotions are not ‘cared’ for these days. Practical people. Less sensitive minds. But whatever we say, we cannot stop feeling. I cannot.

Slowly the whole thing hit me. When I passed out of my school, I cried because I will miss my friends. I will miss my school, and my teachers. Everything associated with it. But what I did not know was that I will miss going to the parent teacher meet with my mom, the smile my father had on his face when I received a prize,  the way my sister came to me when she needed help.

Often you forget appreciating your family. I know I do. Many times you are thankful for every thing; you end up being thankless for your family. It is not because you take them for granted, but may be because you think you have a lot of time with them. It is your own family? Where are they supposed to go anyway? Let me give a little more time to these friends, whom I won’t see after a few years.  But they do go away. Slowly and gradually. And like others, it took me a while to see that. And when I did see it, I felt numb. Also a little scared. I haven’t really visualized myself without these people around me. I never had a need to.

I have been among those few lucky ones who get to cling on to their parents a little longer, to trouble their siblings a little more, and in the process realize their importance a little late. All our lives we make choices, in almost every field; which school to go to, which courses to take, which friends to make, which profession to undertake. The only thing we do not choose is our family. Is that the reason for the low profile role it plays? Probably. 

When I first thought about putting this feeling into words, I did not see it through; I did not know it will be tough. But now I know. I am trying, trying to prove something, something that will let them know how thankful I am, how lucky I am, and how much I love them. Important things should not go unsaid. I may never sit across the table and tell them “I love you guys!” but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel that way.

In a few months, I will have a new phase of life to experience. And what will keep me going is what I have got from my parents: the values and the strength to do what I believe in. It will be tough without them, without their love, but they will just be a phone call away. This is life; you can’t expect it to be the same and you dealing with the same set of people. What you need to know is that some relations never change; instead they give you the strength to be who you are, and their belief in you is all that you need. Everything else falls in place. Everything else fits.

You will always need them. Let your feelings be felt, words be heard (read).