Eid Mubarak!

It is Eid tomorrow. Yes, Eid. A festival I was rarely aware about. And had I not been friends with a few people, I would be completely clueless about this very beautiful festival. Today I know. And I’m glad about it.

Actually, aren’t all festivals beautiful? There is something unique about each one of them …be it the lighting of the diyas, or playing with colors, be it singing carols and welcoming “Santa”, or dancing gleefully to welcome the Goddess of Strength …the list is endless. The list is only a way to depict how we, human beings, love to celebrate. Everything. Almost everything.

But there is a missing link. A missing link between the festivals we celebrate and the ones we don’t celebrate …between the things we understand and the things we refuse to understand …the happiness we believe in and the happiness which we decline to accept.

I had always wondered about this disconnect. Isn’t the main idea is to bring in happiness? Is the reason behind the happiness more important than simply seeing those happy faces? Alas! The answer for a few is a “Yes”. Though, I am glad these answer bearers are decreasing almost as steadily as I want them to, there are still a few of them …who refuse to see the light.

Why should we remain unknown to the great things in life? Unless of course, we are too sure that they are not meant for us. But how can we be sure? Ever? We cannot be. Everything is meant for everyone …somehow or the other. You just need to find that out. In due course of time, everything gets clearer. All the silly differences between the caste/creed/religion move out of sight. You start respecting the person. Not her culture/religion.

And why should we even care to judge anyone on the basis of what religion she follows? Or what festival he celebrates? Too petty no! Well eventually, it is about being happy, and no one cares how you do it, how you spread those extra smiles and bring that extra tad bit of togetherness …as long as you do it. Make someone feel good, and content, and thankful!

Being a Hindu shouldn’t stop me from celebrating Eid. Being a Muslim shouldn’t stop anyone from visiting a temple. Being a Christian, shouldn’t stop you from being a part of Durga Pooja. There shall be no place for these matters, if we concentrate only on making more and more space for Happiness. Yeah. Time to try it out.

Well, I am trying. And it feels so much better …better when tiffin with Biryani arrives at my place on every Eid, when home baked cakes are served on Christmas, when we dance till we drop dead on Navratri, and when we have a dozen people over on Diwali!

In the end, it is all about harmony and concord. It is about friendship. It is about all religions being one. It is about us “being Humans”. It is about the extra smiles we spread. It is about less of hatred …and more of love!

I loved Rains!

I loved rains. Not anymore.

And frankly, never have I had time to think about this transition. But recently, it struck me. I live in Manipal … one of those beautiful places in India, known for the heavy rains. I have often noticed people take respite in the monsoons. The rains in Manipal are sudden and take you by surprise, almost every time. There is something about rains – everyone (except a few like me) eagerly wait for it, welcome it with such big smiles.

I, however, find it the dullest season. It is so soggy, so sluggish. You feel lazy. You are actively inactive. Your clothes won’t dry. You will be drenched every time you go out on a two-wheeler, without proper aid. There will be weird looking insects around. And to top that, those slimy worms. Ugh!

But then there are people who feel rains are lovely, associate it with the season of love …almost a synonym for “romance”. They find the cool breeze refreshing, and they won’t mind getting soaked in water, every once in a while. Personal choices.

I belonged to the latter set of people once upon a time. But it was so different then. No stupid phones to carry, no credit cards or expensive clutches! This saved on the “worry” part of getting soaked in rains. Further, there was no hurry to reach somewhere …to keep moving. This saved on the “have so many things to do” part. You had all the time in the world to just stand there and rejoice in the rains.

What happens when the muddy water is splashed across the very expensive footwear and clothes you are wearing (showing off)? You curse the person who did that evil thing to you! And later you curse the God damn season. The running around in flip flops, floaters and sneakers, splashing water from the puddles in the past was a totally different scene. Much cute, I must say. You did not care about your clothes, or anything else. All you wanted to do was freak out! Because hey!! Rains are here! :D

Driving in the rains? I shouldn’t start rattling about that. It is annoying. And most of us will agree to that. Facts no! The difference back then was you were picked up in cars, so you could afford to be all drenched, and yet there will be someone with a towel waiting to dry you, and take you home!

Clothes …dry or not? Were you even concerned about that? Not me. Now you know. When you wash clothes, and they don’t dry just when you thought you will wear that specific shirt to work tomorrow. It gets on to you. You curse the season again!

There was no limit to crazy energy levels in those days. Haha! I say “those days” as if that phase was some ten years ago or so. It was not. Trust me. Maybe three years. But it sure feels like a long time ago! Now when the energy ceases to exit, it is easier to blame the dull weather. Who doesn’t like the blame game?

And when you have to sit through boring lectures and ridiculous meetings … Where is room for romance? All those long drives become a thing of the past.

Is the list endless? I guess so. The stark comparisons? You cannot hold me responsible for not loving the rains anymore. I loved it for all the lovely things it brought with it – a hot cup of chaai with the best of people, mom’s garam pakodas, paper boats, water splashes, and long drives. I miss all of that undoubtedly. Those times can be recreated, every now and then. But I doubt if the love for rains will come back.

I loved rains. Once upon a time.

Time to wake up!

It was a long time ago. I was carefree.

As years passed, something changed. I don’t know what. I don’t know how. I am not complaining. Change is good. I believe. But growing up took away something. Something. What? When? How?

Now I know! Maybe I had forgotten to let go. Let go of the things that hurt me, the people who let me down, or the ones who did not stand by. But wasn’t it a very long time ago? Yes indeed. And I had forgotten to forgive. I never realized how essential forgiveness is!

What is “forgiveness”? – The act of letting the negative emotions rest and goodness prevail. Not too big a deal, is it? A bit challenging though. It takes a lot to come to terms with the fact that your expectations were not met. I had completely dismissed the idea of crossing these barriers. Sometime or the other, you have to take a leap …if not now, when?

Life is a journey. You meet people. You love a few, you don’t love the others. The ones you love hurt you, you hurt a few, and a few just part ways – Rightly said. But there’s more to these words. You need to ask yourself … wasn't there a time when you were absolutely crazy about those few? When they were there for you, and you sure had one hell of a time! The crazy laughters! A hundred memories!

It is okay if things change. It is okay if you lose contact. It is okay if you fight. It is okay if you don’t talk. It is not okay to give up everything for a silly argument, or a series of bad days! It is dumb to not ignore the silly things, and move ahead … past all that. Because, well you are growing up. And this is a major part of it.

I was so engrossed in meeting new people, loving the new ones and giving them a place in my life, that I had completely forgotten about how lucky I was to have those others. It is okay that they did not make it to this present state. Surely, they played their parts well.

I still don’t know how things change so much. We let it change actually. Because otherwise, no one can dictate terms. We, human beings have always been such dictators ourselves. We are so busy moving ahead, racing the life’s race; we lose sight of the little things that make sense then, thinking that it can be repaired …later on.

Well, it cannot be repaired. Never. There is no “later” …because, some things cannot be repaired. But the broken pieces can be cleaned, so that there is no mess around. It is clean. It is so much easier to live when it is all taken care of. What is life with mess everywhere?

Sometimes we do feel we are losing it. And maybe we really are. But sooner than late, it gets better. There is always a better plan. Tonight, as I remember all the many people who made a difference to me …I want to thank them …for their parts in my life. This one goes out to them! All you people are beautiful.

Maybe, I just woke up. Finally! :) 

One Day!

Everything is so simple when you are young. Like, there are no complications in anything. Whatever you know makes sense. You are not expected to have all the answers. But then, there are a few things that don’t make sense. And you always wonder. Wonder what is happening, why it is happening.

But before you know it …you begin to get the answers. And they are not any close to what you had expected. Nowhere close. You may not even find it pleasant in the first place …like “That’s so weird!”, “Does it really have to be this way?”, but then that is life. The unpleasantness may be more pronounced for girls. We are really the unique ones. Let us just say so.

Periods. Menstrual Flow. Chumming. Down. And a dozen other ways to express the process. The coded words that should not be easily decoded by the males, or else panic strikes! Because we have always been told to be very discreet about the whole thing. I really don’t understand why. What is to hide? What is to be ashamed of? It is a natural process. And you can just not shy away from it.

The Society thinks otherwise. The Indian Society actually. To talk about something like this is totally unacceptable. We may go out of our way to prove how modern we are, how open we have become, but the fact is that we have not broadened our thinking as much as we think we have. We are still stuck. Stuck at these taboos …which don’t make sense. And not even trying to get rid of them.

So when the little girl sees those drops of blood for the very first time, she has no clue what has happened. Maybe thinks it is an injury or a disease she has gotten. She rushes to her mom, only to learn how it happens when you grow up, and how it is very normal for a girl. But then she hears “You mustn’t discuss this with anyone.” “It is not a thing to talk about.” “It shouldn’t be told to your friends.” “Your father shouldn’t know about this.” “Be careful.” The girl is perplexed. Only now she was told that it is a very normal thing. Then why the secrecy?

 But she doesn’t questions. She lets her confusions be. It is already too much to take in. and it feels different. She wonders what else is in store for her. Only to realize there are a lot of things she had never imagined. “No, it doesn’t happen to the guys.” Why not, she asks. “Because that is how God has created us.” That’s all? Educate her. Give her the scientific reasons. Make it easy for her. Please.

Moms cannot be blamed. This is what they were told when it was their first time. Probably. But this girl is different. She is looking for answers. It is time we understand that Periods is not a crisis situation. It is as natural as brushing your teeth every morning, or maybe as special as going out for an expensive dinner date once a month. It depends on how you perceive it to be. But let me tell you, it is no sin. It is no extra ordinary event. So please try to calm down. If at all you come to know about one of your friends chumming, you don’t have to giggle and exclaim! You don’t have to start the “Hoos!” and the “Haas!” it is only normal.

It is about time when we break away from the age old customs too. Earlier, the girls who had their menstrual cycle were not allowed to enter kitchens, or be a part of religious ceremonies. Even to begin to understand why they had such norms is beyond me! But then the ladies suffered …treated like untouchables for those few days. Crap. But now though the situations have gotten better, the weird things are still practiced in places. The very educated families, the very independent women, highly bold girls, are all party to such behavior. And I really don’t know why. All this education for nothing? As they day, there is that very thin line between literacy and education. These people make me realize how we’re only focusing on the “literacy” aspect in our lives.

The whole idea of writing this piece was not to attract unnecessary attention. But to awaken your minds …to help you reach a place … where Periods is not that big a deal; where men are aware about when their wives/sisters are down; where the boyfriend bears with the girlfriend’s mood swings; where the brother can go and buy tampons/sanitary napkins for his mother/sister; where the TV channels showing Whisper/Stayfree advertisements need not be changed awkwardly; where females don’t have to hide the fact that they bought sanitary napkins

But to reach such a state requires us to speak up. Educate our children. Do not shy away from giving the details and answering everything they need to know. Be an example for others. Because dodging the questions of your daughter will not make it easy for her, answering them will. That One Day will change her life, be sure you make it worth it. 

(also featured in www.menstrupedia.com)